My partner does not think it's important to introduce me as her SO or even admit she's in a relationship, to other men.
I think it's a sign of disrespect.
She thinks it's insecurity.
When I think of insecurity, I think of "gosh, she'll cheat on me!" or "gosh, she'll leave me for this guy!"
I never have thoughts like that. It's really, honestly, a feeling of anger in that she does not, IMHO, respect the relationship or me enough to introduce me to other males as her partner or mention she's in a relationship.
Three examples:
Twice she was asked out at work when men found out she was divorcing - once via e-mail; second via IM. Both times, she never responded; just ignored their requests. She thinks that is an appropriate response. I come from the standpoint that a simple "Thank you, but I amseeing somebody" would go a long way to showing me and the relationship that she is serious.
Third example, we met with a contractor she had been dealing with for some work on her townhouse and never introduced me. Even after I introduced myself, she never said "this is my boyfriend, I want his input". He kept staring at me like I was a competing contractor. lol.
These are just a few examples. I noticed this behavior after about 6 months of dating but accumulated the events as "yellow flags" and put them in my back pocket for awareness. It hasn't been til recently that they have come to light.
Again, she thinks it's insecurity and controlling that I'm "suggesting" what to say or how to behave.
I have never been accused of insecurity, even in 7 years of marriage. We are both very fit, very attractive 50 (or so) year olds that look 10 years younger with great, fit bodies and considered very attractive. I don't need to be insecure. I have no issues meeting women, nor does she (meeting men).
I've just never run into this situation before and it seems disrespectful, if not odd to me, that once you decide to be in a committed relationship, you don't do this. I'm almost thinking it's more a self-esteem issue on her part and needing validation?
FWIW, we are both college educated, divorced and with children. We each have a child with special needs. I have read many self help and relationship books, and have tried to get her to go to couples counseling with me but she "doesn't believe in counseling". My favorite relationship expert is John Gottman and she tells me I "hide" behind his quotes.
We have been dating for almost 2 years.
Thoughts? How do you respond to someone that thinks like this? Is it just a queston of differences in how we view relationships? I'm not sure I can be in a relationship that doesn't acknowledge me or the relationship to other men. I absolutely acknowledge our relationship and her to other women. She has seen it but says that is my prerogative and choice - she has hers.
I think it's a sign of disrespect.
She thinks it's insecurity.
When I think of insecurity, I think of "gosh, she'll cheat on me!" or "gosh, she'll leave me for this guy!"
I never have thoughts like that. It's really, honestly, a feeling of anger in that she does not, IMHO, respect the relationship or me enough to introduce me to other males as her partner or mention she's in a relationship.
Three examples:
Twice she was asked out at work when men found out she was divorcing - once via e-mail; second via IM. Both times, she never responded; just ignored their requests. She thinks that is an appropriate response. I come from the standpoint that a simple "Thank you, but I amseeing somebody" would go a long way to showing me and the relationship that she is serious.
Third example, we met with a contractor she had been dealing with for some work on her townhouse and never introduced me. Even after I introduced myself, she never said "this is my boyfriend, I want his input". He kept staring at me like I was a competing contractor. lol.
These are just a few examples. I noticed this behavior after about 6 months of dating but accumulated the events as "yellow flags" and put them in my back pocket for awareness. It hasn't been til recently that they have come to light.
Again, she thinks it's insecurity and controlling that I'm "suggesting" what to say or how to behave.
I have never been accused of insecurity, even in 7 years of marriage. We are both very fit, very attractive 50 (or so) year olds that look 10 years younger with great, fit bodies and considered very attractive. I don't need to be insecure. I have no issues meeting women, nor does she (meeting men).
I've just never run into this situation before and it seems disrespectful, if not odd to me, that once you decide to be in a committed relationship, you don't do this. I'm almost thinking it's more a self-esteem issue on her part and needing validation?
FWIW, we are both college educated, divorced and with children. We each have a child with special needs. I have read many self help and relationship books, and have tried to get her to go to couples counseling with me but she "doesn't believe in counseling". My favorite relationship expert is John Gottman and she tells me I "hide" behind his quotes.
We have been dating for almost 2 years.
Thoughts? How do you respond to someone that thinks like this? Is it just a queston of differences in how we view relationships? I'm not sure I can be in a relationship that doesn't acknowledge me or the relationship to other men. I absolutely acknowledge our relationship and her to other women. She has seen it but says that is my prerogative and choice - she has hers.
Disrespect or Insecurity?
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