Please help - I'm so frustrated! We have been married 4 and a half years and he has never shown an interest in my sexual pleasure. When we have sex, even during foreplay, he avoids touching or kissing my clitoris and vagina. I think part of it at first was cluelessness and that he never realized that women need orgasms too, but at this point I've expressed it enough that he should know! I shower before bed and I shave down there, so I'm not gross, but he makes me feel like I'm undesirable and disgusting - like, I don't feel like a woman who is loved. Most of the time, we have sex 2-4 times a week and I definitely pay attention to his needs (I give him oral a lot, change up the position, and other things.) But I am always left hanging and I sometimes end up crying in another room after sex while he goes right to sleep.
I have tried so many things - from talking kindly about what I need to full out fighting and crying. When I bring it up, he gets either angry and defensive or really sad and down on himself and will apologize and say how horrible he has been, but nothing ever changes. A few times, I stopped having sex with him. It only lasts about a week and a half before he gets so desperate and convinces me that everything's going to be ok, and I give in. We do love each other and he insists that he is attracted to me, but I don't know what to believe. Shouldn't he just naturally have a desire to please me too? I'm starting to feel self-conscious about it, because I feel pathetic that I have to literally beg him to touch me. Even if he would change overnight, I don't want to feel like I'm getting an orgasm just because I "nagged" enough. I just feel really hurt that he doesn't take this part of marriage seriously enough to try to change. I went to therapy for a while, but he wouldn't come with me and I had to stop going because he said it was too expensive. I feel so alone, because what woman can talk to a friend about how her husband won't touch her? Divorce is not an option - I'm just so lost and looking for any suggestions please!
I have tried so many things - from talking kindly about what I need to full out fighting and crying. When I bring it up, he gets either angry and defensive or really sad and down on himself and will apologize and say how horrible he has been, but nothing ever changes. A few times, I stopped having sex with him. It only lasts about a week and a half before he gets so desperate and convinces me that everything's going to be ok, and I give in. We do love each other and he insists that he is attracted to me, but I don't know what to believe. Shouldn't he just naturally have a desire to please me too? I'm starting to feel self-conscious about it, because I feel pathetic that I have to literally beg him to touch me. Even if he would change overnight, I don't want to feel like I'm getting an orgasm just because I "nagged" enough. I just feel really hurt that he doesn't take this part of marriage seriously enough to try to change. I went to therapy for a while, but he wouldn't come with me and I had to stop going because he said it was too expensive. I feel so alone, because what woman can talk to a friend about how her husband won't touch her? Divorce is not an option - I'm just so lost and looking for any suggestions please!
Husband won't please me sexually
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