It's been two years now, that I've been raped by a 16 year old boy. I was 16 also, I was scared of sex. I hated the fact of it, I always wanted to save myself for a special boy. Someone who would make me feel bubbly when I looked at them and that I would know they were the one.
I was a 16 year old girl, didn't talk to many people and had a lot of internet friends. I was bullied and moving school to school at the time and on top of being bullied, I got raped. I was talking to this girl miles away, she said her bestfriend was a good guy to talk too, and I thought the same. I met him through her. I talked to him on Xbox, then he invited me to join his xbox live party. He had all his friends in there and I became friends with those people. We went to the movies. I met all of his friends including him for the first time ever. It was cool. I finally thought that I found someone who wanted me to be around his friends and him. I actually met the guy I'm dating through him. But that's completely off topic.
Dylan and I were supposed to hang out just me and him, I expected to play Xbox. I argued with my mother to take me to this boys house I was so convinced that he was the coolest guy ever and he was just so fun to talk to. I arrive to his house and his friend Joey came over for 15 minutes then he left. Then, were on the bed playing xbox. Then he comes closer to me and makes a move. I push away because I didn't like that stuff and I was blank like wow a friend. I was so desperate for a friend or two or someone to just to listen to me and play Xbox games with me I made my mother drive me out to the middle of no where just for this boy to continue to make the same move on me just for me to push it away and then him pushing me forcefully on the bed and as I screamed for him to get off of me he forced it. He held me down, as he took off my undergarments and he pushed my head into the pillow and told me to "shut the **** up." "Filthy *****." "this is what bad girls get." I don't remember doing anything wrong, or claiming myself as a bad girl. As he finished inside me, I was screaming and crying for hours and he got up and walked away and laughed and spit on me. I was saving myself for a nice boy and I get forced down and raped. I stick a tampon inside of me because all of this *** is going down my leg and I keep wiping it and it won't go away. I was scared, I just wanted to go home at this point like anyone would if they just experienced that. i put my favorite burgundy pants back on and then my undies and it looked like I literally peed myself. Then he just sat there and laughed at me and said "this is not my problem anymore."
I just am so confused on why this has happened to me, what did I do? I didn't ask for anything. I just woke up a month go realizing that this boy raped me. Two years later, two years later I realized that my first ever was with a boy who held me down and screamed at me in such a fashion that I flinch whenever someone yells or moves their hand by me.
I am 19 now, and I still overthink about this situation, I remember it so clear and it's so hard to get off my mind. My mother knows about the situation and she's helped me greatly but it is not enough. Because it still hurts me today, it literally makes me feel like I deserved it I had it coming. All the **** that I read on the Internet. It's just confusing and it hurts me so much inside and I just read forums after forums after forums after blogs after random websites I try everything and I still can't get over it. My current boyfriend says he understands but, he doesn't. He doesn't understand what it feels like and how it impacts you and I sound like a *****. But I just need some real deal advice, don't tell me to go to the gym because that'll totally make me feel like yeah go to the gym it'll make your problems go away. But please, someone.
I was a 16 year old girl, didn't talk to many people and had a lot of internet friends. I was bullied and moving school to school at the time and on top of being bullied, I got raped. I was talking to this girl miles away, she said her bestfriend was a good guy to talk too, and I thought the same. I met him through her. I talked to him on Xbox, then he invited me to join his xbox live party. He had all his friends in there and I became friends with those people. We went to the movies. I met all of his friends including him for the first time ever. It was cool. I finally thought that I found someone who wanted me to be around his friends and him. I actually met the guy I'm dating through him. But that's completely off topic.
Dylan and I were supposed to hang out just me and him, I expected to play Xbox. I argued with my mother to take me to this boys house I was so convinced that he was the coolest guy ever and he was just so fun to talk to. I arrive to his house and his friend Joey came over for 15 minutes then he left. Then, were on the bed playing xbox. Then he comes closer to me and makes a move. I push away because I didn't like that stuff and I was blank like wow a friend. I was so desperate for a friend or two or someone to just to listen to me and play Xbox games with me I made my mother drive me out to the middle of no where just for this boy to continue to make the same move on me just for me to push it away and then him pushing me forcefully on the bed and as I screamed for him to get off of me he forced it. He held me down, as he took off my undergarments and he pushed my head into the pillow and told me to "shut the **** up." "Filthy *****." "this is what bad girls get." I don't remember doing anything wrong, or claiming myself as a bad girl. As he finished inside me, I was screaming and crying for hours and he got up and walked away and laughed and spit on me. I was saving myself for a nice boy and I get forced down and raped. I stick a tampon inside of me because all of this *** is going down my leg and I keep wiping it and it won't go away. I was scared, I just wanted to go home at this point like anyone would if they just experienced that. i put my favorite burgundy pants back on and then my undies and it looked like I literally peed myself. Then he just sat there and laughed at me and said "this is not my problem anymore."
I just am so confused on why this has happened to me, what did I do? I didn't ask for anything. I just woke up a month go realizing that this boy raped me. Two years later, two years later I realized that my first ever was with a boy who held me down and screamed at me in such a fashion that I flinch whenever someone yells or moves their hand by me.
I am 19 now, and I still overthink about this situation, I remember it so clear and it's so hard to get off my mind. My mother knows about the situation and she's helped me greatly but it is not enough. Because it still hurts me today, it literally makes me feel like I deserved it I had it coming. All the **** that I read on the Internet. It's just confusing and it hurts me so much inside and I just read forums after forums after forums after blogs after random websites I try everything and I still can't get over it. My current boyfriend says he understands but, he doesn't. He doesn't understand what it feels like and how it impacts you and I sound like a *****. But I just need some real deal advice, don't tell me to go to the gym because that'll totally make me feel like yeah go to the gym it'll make your problems go away. But please, someone.
It's been two years.
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